My erratic work history means there's every chance you and I may have worked together before.
13th December marks the sixth anniversary of my last work disciplinary to date.
In 1995, I was spotted fleeing a job through the window of a first floor toilet, something I denied had happened even to myself for the next decade. Eventually I came to recognise this was a pivotal moment in my life.
I won my only football medal in 1982. Of all the things that never happened in my life, that was the last thing I expected.
I'm on my fifth nose.
I still wonder whether I was once a part of Tears For Fears.
I take Batman over Superman any day.
In December 1981, I was floored by a snowball thrown by my dad outside Taste More Fish and Chips shop in Stockwell.
In 2010, I lived in a hotel for 6 months. The owners hooked their Christmas lights to my balcony from late October and with the lights keeping me awake, I fashioned an eye mask from the threadbare gusset of a pair of pants. A combination of the stress of losing everything I had at the time and the brightness of the lights coming into my room continued to keep me awake.
Up until the early eighties, I'd wanted to be a priest. Looking back, given my chequered work history, that would've been the right job for me.
In 2010, alongside childhood friend Micky Boyd, I launched Please Don't Hug Me, a comedy podcast which we recorded from my hotel room every Thursday night from August to December 2010. The show ran until the spring of 2012.
In July and August 2010, I made two separate attempts at breaking the world toilet seat papering record, even though at the time no such record existed.
The first attempt came at my old South Lambeth flat, where the very first episode of Please Don't Hug Me was recorded.
The second of these attempts came from the Victoria-based hotel, by which time, a worsening diet possibly slowed me down in my papering.
From 2011 to 2012, for 52 episodes, I presented The Daniel Ruiz Tizon Podcast which was nominated for a European Podcast Award in 2011.
I haven't ridden a bike since the 6th July 1985.
From 2003 to 2009, I was writing for the BBC, ITV and Channel 4.
I love South Lambeth.
I have a serious caffeine problem.